I’ve come to realize that if I do not get a thought out of my head the second it begins to take its second spin, it only intensifies and creates a home for itself. Will I still ruminate? Definitely. Will it ease slightly? Hopefully.
I have felt for awhile now that I need to get myself back. What do I want? Where do I want to go? What types of people do I want to surround myself with? What is most important to me?
I need to come back to the place where I am genuinely myself, without hesitation and the worry about what other people are thinking and doing. Their actions only affect me if I allow them to dig themselves deep inside of me, and that is a choice. Yes, no matter what happens you will always have a feeling about it, you can’t just shut feelings off, but you can decide how you will let them affect you.
I need to get excited about life again. For the past two years it has taken every part of my being and more to just keep my head above water. Now that I feel more stable in all aspects of my life, it’s time for me to evaluate what makes me happy and what brings positivity into my life.
By identifying what brings me happiness, I will in turn discover what brings negativity. Even if something has positive aspects it can still be predominately negative and those are the things I need to start weeding out of my life, even if it seems difficult to let go of the small amount of happiness it brings.
By losing myself I lost my passion for every day life and the small joys that each day can bring. This is what saddens me most of all. It’s time for me to bring my attention inward to begin to learn who I’ve become. I know that I am going to meet a very different person, but at least that person will be authentic.