Archives for posts with tag: honesty

I’ve come to realize that if I do not get a thought out of my head the second it begins to take its second spin, it only intensifies and creates a home for itself. Will I still ruminate? Definitely. Will it ease slightly? Hopefully.
I have felt for awhile now that I need to get myself back. What do I want? Where do I want to go? What types of people do I want to surround myself with? What is most important to me?
I need to come back to the place where I am genuinely myself, without hesitation and the worry about what other people are thinking and doing. Their actions only affect me if I allow them to dig themselves deep inside of me, and that is a choice. Yes, no matter what happens you will always have a feeling about it, you can’t just shut feelings off, but you can decide how you will let them affect you.
I need to get excited about life again. For the past two years it has taken every part of my being and more to just keep my head above water. Now that I feel more stable in all aspects of my life, it’s time for me to evaluate what makes me happy and what brings positivity into my life.
By identifying what brings me happiness, I will in turn discover what brings negativity. Even if something has positive aspects it can still be predominately negative and those are the things I need to start weeding out of my life, even if it seems difficult to let go of the small amount of happiness it brings.
By losing myself I lost my passion for every day life and the small joys that each day can bring. This is what saddens me most of all. It’s time for me to bring my attention inward to begin to learn who I’ve become. I know that I am going to meet a very different person, but at least that person will be authentic.

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We all have been in this dilemma plenty of times where someone has hurt us and we have to make the decision to either try to forgive them and move forward or to tell someone how you really feel. I’ve done both many times and I’m realizing the way I feel after is pretty much the same.

When I attempt to understand and move forward I end up bottling up these tiny resentments that then build to a huge explosion at some random point in time. When I tell someone how I’m feeling, they usually make excuses that anger me more because they aren’t understanding that I just want them to acknowledge how I feel. Either way I don’t feel understood, or like my feelings matter at all.

By constantly ignoring every situation in which someone has hurt you, you can become someone who people can easily take advantage of. If you are open with your feelings people sometimes aren’t as receptive as you wished they would be and then you feel the dynamic between you begin to shift because people don’t like to be told when they are wrong. Obviously I have been on both sides, the one who has been hurt and the one who has done the hurting. I’ve also picked both choices in how I reacted to the situation. I can honestly say I don’t know which one is the best choice. Do we really gain anything from either? If someone you thought was your friend can’t acknowledge your feelings, even if they don’t think they did anything wrong, then who was that person to you in the first place?

All I know is people wish to be heard and they wish for their feelings to be validated and respected.